


Bubble Wrap

by PeterStark



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bubble Wrap, Commenter-insert, Crack, Don't Try This At Home, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, Kidnapped Tony Stark, Not Beta Read, Precious Peter Parker, Precious Tony Stark, Protectiveness, Self-Insert, Supernatural quote for some reason, The Author Regrets Everything, What is my life?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 18:01:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18036206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeterStark/pseuds/PeterStark
Summary: Wherein me and name_me_regret may break the law to protect Tony Stark.Also known as a weird crack fic that came from a comment conversation. I just roll with it at this point.





	Bubble Wrap

**Author's Note:**

  * For [name_me_regret](https://archiveofourown.org/users/name_me_regret/gifts).



> Do not kidnap people or Capt. America will have to give you a PSA in jail.  
> Also, Tony needs to be protected...at all costs.  
> Don't know if this is any good.  
> I own nothing.

Tony blearily blinked open his eyes. He was in a warehouse, restrained by something...squishy? And there were two people having a hushed argument.

"I told you this was a bad idea." The short blonde muttered. "I told you not to kidnap him, and what did you do?"

The purple-ish haired one shrugged. "Kidnapped him. But look at him! Now he's safe. He's our little cinnamon roll and he must be protected. He's too precious for this world."

"Okay, first of all, stop with the Sam Winchester act, and second, you realize kidnapping is a crime, right?" The blonde's voice squeaked out.

"It isn't kidnapping. He's an adult. Maybe it's heronapping at worst."

"Yeah, speaking of, when you said you found a way to bubble wrap him and you invited me here, I thought you know...you somehow managed to get him to come willingly." The blonde flipped tucked her hair behind her ear. "This. This could bring the Avengers down on me and I've never done a damn thing wrong ever...except for taste-test a piece of carrot, which was technically stealing, but I bought it anyway...but it did mess with the weight, so maybe I did steal it. Oh God, here comes the anxiety. Where's my fucking fidget item? Last thing I need is a panic attack...that'd be twice this week and my nerves can't take much more of this."

"What? You look fine." The purple-ish haired one smiled.

"Yeah, everyone says that, but I wear a really good mask. My therapist thinks it's an issue and I agree. Dammit, why do purses have to be so fucking big. I literally just need a place for my wallet, because girl pockets are the worst, not a whole damn library."

Tony finally moved enough to realize what was wrapped around him. Bubble wrap. Layers and layers of bubble wrap. "Okay, 10/10 for the weirdest kidnapping ever, though I like heronapping, that's a good one. So, what's up with this?"

"You see, this girl likes to write fanfic and you always end up hurt, so I was like, maybe we should wrap you in bubble wrap so you can never be hurt again. And she was like: Yeah, he's too good for the world and we hurt him too much and no one cares about him as much as he cares for other people. And I was like: Yeah, let's kidnap him and make it happen. And she was like: NO!!!! IT'S AGAINST THE LAW. I thought that point of view was boring...so I did it anyway."

"So you...kidnapped a billionaire superhero-"

"Vigilante." The Blonde said. "Technically, you're a vigilante. I call you a superhero, because it's easier, but since you don't have super powers you'd either classify as a hero or a vigilante, but not a superhero." She looked down at her feet. "Which is what makes you awesome. You're brain literally makes you the best hero/defender of the world. It just proves that even us ordinary people have a shot. Not that you're ordinary, you're not, no one is really, but it's just that you didn't have to be something other than human to...." The blonde straightened up and shut her mouth tight for a second. "Sorry...I talk when I get anxious."

"Look, if bubble wrap is all you've got, I'm not really gonna throw a fit." Tony said. "But...if you think like that about me, you had to have done the same to another person, right?" The purple-haired one shrugged. "Wait, I'm literally the only one you've done this to? What the fuck? There are so many people out there who are braver and-" Tony saw the way the blonde looked straight down. "What's that look for?"

"So...I may have already gotten to Peter." The blonde went still when all eyes looked at her. "What? He's a little snowflake. Besides, he basically volunteered and spent the next ten minutes bouncing up and down."

Tony shrugged. "Yeah, that sounds like Peter, now, get me out of this shit. I have work to do...but uh, nice sentiment...I guess."

"Thanks!" The two chorused together.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, we've offically done it. Tony's safe everyone, forget the MCU, he's now bubble wrapped and no one can touch him now...not even angry grapes.  
> Have a good day.


End file.
